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DATING

In cultures where dating or courtship is acceptable, dating can help youth develop friendships and eventually find an eternal companion. Youth in the Church are taught to wait until at least age 16 to begin dating and to date only those who have high moral standards. A young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to help each other maintain their standards and to protect each other's honor and virtue.

In the For Strength For Youth Booklet it says
 
For the Strength of Youth, a Church publication for young men and young women, contains the following counsel regarding dating:

"Do not date until you are at least 16 years old. Dating before then can lead to immorality, limit the number of other young people you meet, and deprive you of experiences that will help you choose an eternal partner.

"Not all teenagers need to date or even want to. Many young people do not date during their teen years because they are not yet interested, do not have opportunities, or simply want to delay forming serious relationships. However, good friendships can and should be developed at every age.

"When you begin dating, go in groups or on double dates. Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person. Make sure your parents meet those you date. You may want to invite your dates to activities with your family. Plan dating activities that are positive and inexpensive and that will help you get to know each other. Do things that will help you and your companions maintain your self-respect and remain close to the Spirit of the Lord" ("Dating," 24–25).

 
 

How to Be a First-Rate Date

“How to Be a First-Rate Date,” New Era, Oct 2004, 34

Here are a few suggestions for some of those awkward dating situations.

To open the door? Or not to open the door? That is the question. Should you help a young lady put her coat on, or does she want to put it on herself? Should you call a young man if he said he was going to call but hasn’t?

You’ve probably had questions like these while spending time with members of the opposite sex. What you do can make your date think you are either a first-class lady or gentleman or a first-class jerk.

Here are a few suggestions on what you could do in some of those awkward situations. You might think some of these customs are old-fashioned, but treating other people respectfully is never out-of-date.

For Young Men

• The phone call. However you choose to ask a young woman out, remember to plan well the time you spend together. Try not to call too late at night or just before you want to spend time with her. No young woman likes to feel like she was a last-minute detail.

• The door approach. When you pick a young lady up, you should knock on the door or ring the doorbell—honking your horn is not an acceptable substitute. Give her a sincere compliment to start things off right.

• The car. Most young women like to have the car door opened for them. It shows respect.

• The chair. If you go to a restaurant or other place where you will be sitting, pull the young lady’s chair out for her, and gently place it under her as she sits.

• The coat. It is courteous to help a young lady on and off with her coat if she is wearing one.

• The parents. When you meet them, stand when they come into the room, greet them politely, and ask them what time you should bring their daughter home.

• Watch the clock. Be sure to get your date home on time.

• The doorstep. As you say good night, remember to thank her for spending time with you or for taking you on a date, as the case may be. When you say good night, be sure to follow the guidelines in For the Strength of Youth.

• If she asks you. If a girl asks you out, does that mean she’s going to pay for everything? She’s probably planning on it, but it would be a good idea to offer to pay for one of the activities or to drive or help in some way, to make sure she knows you appreciate what she’s doing.

For Young Women

• The outfit. One great way to show respect for whomever you are with is to dress modestly. Your date shouldn’t have to avert his eyes or blush because of what you are wearing. It’s also a good idea to find out what you are doing beforehand so you can dress appropriately. You wouldn’t want to wear a nice dress to go hiking in the mountains.

• Asking out. It’s okay to ask a guy out from time to time, but be sure you are considerate in your asking. If you know he’s interested in you, you might want to let him ask you the first time. A few subtle hints will help him; he needs to know if you’re interested, too.

• The car. Give boys the opportunity to open the door for you. If his door isn’t already unlocked, it’s polite to reach over and unlock it for him once you’re in the car.

• The doorstep scene. If it’s not too late and your parents won’t mind, you can invite your date (and your friends, too, if you’re on a group date) in for a few minutes. This not only diffuses the awkwardness of saying good-bye on the doorstep, it also gives you a chance to thank your date for taking you out.

So, the answer to your question? Open the door! It never hurts to enhance your etiquette and reveal your respect for others.

 

Articles and Talks on Dating
  • Dating versus Hanging Out  Dallin H. Oaks It is very different from dating. My single brothers and sisters, follow the simple dating pattern and you don’t need to do your looking through Internet chat rooms or dating services—two alternatives that can be very dangerous or at least unnecessary or ineffective.
  • "Marriage Prep 101"  Brad Wilcox, New Era, Oct. 1999, 30–33
    If you'd like a top grade in marriage preparation, let these couples tutor you. This is one time it's perfectly okay to get answers from someone else.
  • "Receive the Temple Blessings"  Richard G. Scott, Ensign, May 1999, 252–27
    As you seek an eternal companion, look for someone who is developing the essential attributes that bring happiness
  • "Could I Wait for a Temple Marriage?"  Loie Lott Benson, Ensign, Feb. 1999, 48–51
    He might be my last opportunity for marriage. How could I refuse him and face an uncertain future?
  • "The Power of Righteousness"  Richard G. Scott, Liahona, Jan. 1999, 79–81; or Ensign, Nov. 1998, 68–70
    Choosing to do what the Lord has defined as right will, in the long run, always lead to the best outcomes.
  • "Great Group Dates"  Darrin Lythgoe, New Era, Feb. 1998, 15
    So what can a group do together for fun? Here are some ideas.
  • "Some Thoughts on Temples, Retention of Converts, and Missionary Service"  Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, Nov. 1997, 49–52
    When you are young, do not get involved in steady dating. When you reach an age where you think of marriage, then is the time to become so involved.
  • "The Temple Marriage I Waited For"  Patricia E. McInnis, Liahona, Apr. 1997, 28–30; or Ensign, Aug. 1996, 64–65
    The goal of marriage continued to occupy my mind. As a lifelong member of the Church, I had learned the importance of eternal marriage.
  • "Dating: A Time to Become Best Friends"  John D. Claybaugh, Ensign, Apr. 1994, 18–21
    Courtship is a time to discover who you and your partner really are—and how to nourish your relationship.
  • "Choosing and Being the Right Spouse"  Thomas B. Holman, Ensign, Sept. 2002, 62–67
    Prophetic counsel teaches us that finding a marriage partner takes spiritual sensitivity, maturity, and preparation—including preparing ourselves to be the right spouse.
  • "Searching for the One You Will Marry"  LeGrand R. Curtis, New Era, June 1993, 4–7
    It takes time and the right ingredients to cook up a great relationship. Here's a favorite—and foolproof—recipe.
  • "Q&A: Questions and Answers"  New Era, July 2001, 16–18
    I'm not exaggerating when I say that there are no LDS young people to date in my area. Wouldn't it be all right to date [someone who does not belong to our church]?
  • "Q&A: Questions and Answers"  New Era, Feb. 2001, 16–18
    Why does the Church say we should not date until we are 16 years old?
  • "A Prophet's Counsel and Prayer for Youth"  Gordon B. Hinckley, Liahona, Apr. 2001, 30–41; or Ensign, Jan. 2001, 2–11
    The Lord has made us attractive one to another for a great purpose. But this very attraction becomes as a powder keg unless it is kept under control.
  • "Idea List: The Do's of Dating" New Era, Nov. 2000, 15
    Here are some suggestions from New Era readers on ways to ensure a fun and wholesome date.

 

Lesson's on Dating